By Martha Perego

A training session I conducted recently on building effective supervisory skills generated interesting ethical dilemmas. Here are three that were discussed at the session:

Unethical Conduct at the Top

Dilemma: “I saw a new department director do something that I thought was definitely unethical. I didn’t say anything because I didn’t want a confrontation. Nor did I want to do anything that might derail what looks like the beginning of a pretty good working relationship. That said, I can’t ignore the issue. I just have no idea how to start the conversation.”

Response: Regardless of how bad the conduct appears, resist the urge to rush to judgment. Did you witness the whole episode? Do you have all the relevant facts? Do you know precisely what the other person was thinking and what motivated the behavior?

Assume positive intent. Begin the conversation assuming that the individual did not do anything wrong. Ask for an opportunity to talk about your concerns with an emphasis on understanding the context and getting the facts.

If you haven’t had “the talk” with the department director—the one about ethical values and expectations—this might actually be a good, albeit awkward, way to start a critical conversation. You can’t really build an authentic working relationship if you don’t know the other person’s values.

You may be dealing with a misunderstanding, a difference of opinion on where to draw the ethical line in the sand, a willful unethical act, or an unintentional mistake. What you learn will guide your next steps.

In the end, it’s better to be clear about ethical standards than to guess. And when, as a leader, one of your direct reports approaches you with a concern about your behavior, you will appreciate just how much courage that takes. Drop the defenses, don’t shoot the messenger, and be kind!

Supervising the Ethically Clueless

Dilemma: “What if there’s a pattern of behavior that is unethical and the employee just doesn’t exercise good judgment? The person’s intentions seem to be good, but she doesn’t exercise adequate boundaries and doesn’t realize or feel her action(s) are unethical. Is this something a person is born with or is it a learned skill?”

Response: To be blunt, if you have hired someone who doesn’t know right from wrong—lies, cheats, steals, or is abusive—cut your losses now. For all others, consider that the ability to identify and make ethical choices in the workplace is not hard wired.

It’s a skill that can be learned. And regular reinforcement of appropriate behavior does produce desired results.

Some employees don’t see their conduct as unethical because they have really never given it much consideration. They may be good, technically competent people. They just don’t think about the values that should direct their conduct in the workplace.

And if their employer is silent on the subject, where is the impetus for them to start thinking about ethics?

Employers have to set clear standards, have regular conversations about values, and set boundaries based on real work situations. When you have done that, then you are best positioned to hold employees accountable for their conduct.

What to do then with the employee who just doesn’t seem to get it?

Get all the available facts to clearly define the problem or issue. Consider the person’s level of responsibility. Anyone in a supervisory capacity should be held to a higher standard.

After all, they are supposed to model good behavior for their direct reports.

What is the nature and severity of the violation? Has the employee been down this very road before?

If not, perhaps coaching is an appropriate intervention. If you have tried all of this and still get the same unethical conduct, work on the individual’s exit strategy.

BFFs in the Workplace

Dilemma: “Since getting promoted, I now supervise someone who is actually a friend. We started working for a county government at the same time as equals. We don’t hang out together socially but are friends and confidants. Is this unethical? How do I deal with this situation?”

Response: This one has elements of ethics and HR. On the ethics front, it is not unethical to supervise this staff member/friend as long as you can be impartial, objective, and fair in all of your actions and decisions. But you need to do some soul searching.

Think carefully about whether or not you can rise above the relationship. Will you be able to deliver both positive and negative feedback? Can you set aside your personal feelings in order to objectively evaluate work performance? What criteria will you use to self-assess or evaluate your ability to do so?

One option is to just lay the issue on the table with the team. Acknowledge that having been around for a while, you are closer to some staff than others. Address the reality that while you will strive to treat everyone fairly and impartially, perceptions may differ.

Offer the opportunity to talk with any staff member who thinks your actions may not be living up to your commitment. By being candid, you may actually end up building trust with the new team.

If you can’t be impartial, you have both an ethics and a management problem. Actual or perceived favoritism is a morale killer.