It seems like we’re all just a click away from communicating with the most influential people in our professions. We can get “linked in” to potential employers across the country. We can be Facebook friends with former colleagues we haven’t spoken to in years.

The degrees of separation between us and the movers and shakers of the world have collapsed. And yet, are any of these so-called relationships real? Will any of these online connections actually go out on a limb to help you? Will they actually take an interest in your success? And ultimately, will they get you to where you want to go?

Probably not, because the acquisition of social media contacts and networking profiles have replaced the cultivation of meaningful relationships with customers, colleagues, and even with friends and family. It’s not just the distraction of social media that is getting in the way. It is genuinely tougher than it’s ever been to build the trusted relationships you need to thrive in your career.

Trying to connect on LinkedIn or e-mailing won’t do the trick. Just as an airplane must respect the laws of physics in order to fly, your behaviors must align with certain laws if you want to build the critical relationships you need to succeed in life and career.

Forming such relationships comes with four major challenges:

1. To connect with people who are crazy-busy and have put up walls to protect their time.
2. To become relevant to influencers who won’t give you a second chance if the first conversation doesn’t light a spark.
3. To resonate with others on an emotional level and create a personal connection that brings you into their inner circle.
4. To make an impact and leave an indelible mark on those most important to you at work and at home.

Relationship laws can determine the success or failure of your professional relationships and provide insights into how to build trusted relationships with people. When you abide by these laws, you’ll be seen as a trusted partner rather than an expense to be managed. When you ignore the laws, however, it’s like pushing water uphill. Relationship building will seem like hard work—even fruitless.

Here we focus on two of the challenges—to connect and to become relevant. Mastering both of these challenges is the first step to building power relationships. Without learning how to effectively connect and show your relevance, you’ll never be able to build long-term relationships.

Challenge No. 1: Connect With the Super-Busy

Managers are overwhelmed with demands on their time. Since they are at a senior management level, everyone wants something from them. Connecting with them—pulling them out of their routine and getting their attention—is a huge challenge that’s only getting tougher. Here are two things to do that can help make the connection:

Follow the person, not the position. There’s the story of a manager who was appointed to her position after having been the deputy for a number of years. During that time, the advisers and suppliers to her local government had rarely spent time with her, preferring to focus on her predecessor, who had controlled the budget when in the management position. On the day her appointment was announced to the press, she suddenly got dozens of calls from these same advisers and suppliers—all wanting to now do business with her.

And do you know what she asked them: “Where were you five years ago?” While it is not impossible to break into someone’s inner circle after they have achieved great success, it’s also not an easy task. Build relationships with smart, motivated, interesting, and ambitious people, even if they’re not in an important job right now. Follow them throughout their careers.

Make them curious. When someone is curious, the person reaches toward you. He or she is eager to take the next step. When you evoke curiosity, you create a gravitational pull that is irresistible.

You create curiosity and reach by showing just a bit of the glitter of the gold you have to offer others. Say the unexpected. Surprise the other person with your candid answer to a tough question. Shake up their thinking by showing them a side to their problem they had not considered.

I once found myself halfway around the world, with only five minutes to convince a skeptical CEO that his company should hire me. A 45-minute meeting had been shortened to just five minutes. So what did I do?

 I threw out conventional wisdom and evoked the CEO’s curiosity by bluntly mentioning several important risks his new initiative faced. None of his own staff had raised these with him. He sat up in his chair and leaned toward me, suddenly engaged. The meeting ended up lasting 15 minutes, and I was hired.

Challenge No. 2: Light the Spark That Makes You Relevant

The second big challenge is showing how you are relevant to the other person. These two rules will help:

Walk in their shoes. Another story I tell is about a banker who arrives at an executive’s office in the middle of a large deal. The banker is oblivious to his clients’ state—they’ve been working all weekend in a small conference room—and he grabs the last remaining sandwich on a tray, effectively stealing the executive’s lunch. That executive became the chief financial officer of his organization, and the banker was banned from doing business with that organization for more than a decade.

The banker could have avoided 10 years in the wilderness if he had done a simple exercise: to imagine what it’s like to walk in his client’s shoes. Being relevant isn’t always about the big, crucial, money-making ideas. Sometimes it’s about showing people that you ‘get’ their needs on the most fundamental level. You know what pressures they’re under, what they’re feeling, and yes, how hungry and tired they are. When you can walk in their shoes in small ways, you can also do it in bigger ways.

Become part of your residents’ lives. When you’re working with your customers—in this case, business owners and residents—you have to clearly show how you are supporting them and how your local government’s products and services are helping them. Nothing makes your organization more relevant than showing how it is aligned with residents’ priorities.

Relationships cannot be formed with the snap of your fingers or the click of a mouse. Building them takes time and effort. You have to provide a compelling answer to the question: Why should I spend my scarce time with you? Once you’ve tackled the challenges of connecting and showing how you’re relevant, you can move on to the other two—resonating and making an impact. But not before. Try to put the cart before the horse, and no one will ever hear you.